Michael Lown
BartoBite Size Film: part 1
November 6th 2008 02:09
I have been slack, remiss and utterly inattentive. For two months. I decided to get back on the Wag Wagon, but was dumbstruck at where to begin. Just because I haven’t been writing, doesn’t mean I haven’t been viewing with continuing obsessive regularity. When picking up an old relationship, sometimes it’s best not to discuss what happened while you were apart. I say screw that – there have been a series of films I still want to weigh in on. Too late for a full review, but not too late for a wrap up of a few of them. So…
Wall-E
Hello cinema perfection, hello wall of critical praise and box office. All deserved. Makes me, of the generation raised in a world of Michael Bay editing and David Mamet dialogue (neither necessarily bad… that’s mostly Mamet who’s not bad… obviously), finally understand the magic of the silent era. Not completely silent though, or my head might explode with the difficulty of processing the concept. Brilliant, breath-taking and adorable.
House Bunny
Yes I saw it. This is a blog of trust, leave your judgement at the door. Or don’t (if you’ve ever watched Meet the Spartans in full I am currently looking at you with raised eyebrow). I watched this because I am a believer. I believe that one day Anna Faris will rise up above the crap she keeps saying yes to and make movies that deserve her. She has better timing than Diaz (who basically requires a Barrymore or a Collette to anchor her), more pathos than Hudson and more facial flexibility that Meg Ryan (not hard). No, she has not found nirvana in a film featuring recurring cameos from Hugh Hefner and 3 blonde women who should never have become famous. This is genuinely crap. The only other decent actor in it is Emma Stone – she and Faris manage to almost seem like they’re improvising together. This cannot save it though. Watch this only if you want to marvel at that fact that someone, somewhere believes Rumer Willis is qualified to act through genetics alone.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
This is what being an original fan of Indiana Jones must feel like. This franchise is dead to me – even deader than the foes Brendan Fraser half heartedly hacks at. Money was spent in all the wrong places as far as effects go, giving none of the sense of grandeur and scale to be found in the 1st (and even 2nd) effort. At least in 2 you actually believed they were in London on a bridge. In this stale, pale reproduction it’s like they’ve dropped in a cardboard cut out behind the cast. The script is in no way amusing, the casting is horrendous. Luke Ford made me beg for the return of the junior Anakin Skywalker clone as the son, and Maria Bello should forever swear off playing English women. Her accent is wobbly, her action scenes are lame and she has absolutely no chemistry with Fraser. Oh Rachel Weisz, you are wise beyond your years. You and your Oscar. Only the fact that I can still remember watching Jumper at the start of the year stops me from declaring this the worst film of 2008.
Eagle Eye
I know I should get picky when I watch this, but my love for Michelle Monaghan and Shia LaBeouf is pure. Surely a solid pairing can redeem almost any movie (except Jumper… which didn’t have a solid pairing anyway). These two are charismatic, vulnerable and flawed enough to be believable. Without actually being believable though – the plot pretty much sees to that. Still, the action is well staged and imaginative, and the pace is so fast you won’t get time get too critical. Incredibly, for the thriller genre, the individual plot points are quite unpredictable. A fun, tense piece of entertainment that delivers on its promise.
Wall-E
Hello cinema perfection, hello wall of critical praise and box office. All deserved. Makes me, of the generation raised in a world of Michael Bay editing and David Mamet dialogue (neither necessarily bad… that’s mostly Mamet who’s not bad… obviously), finally understand the magic of the silent era. Not completely silent though, or my head might explode with the difficulty of processing the concept. Brilliant, breath-taking and adorable.
House Bunny
Yes I saw it. This is a blog of trust, leave your judgement at the door. Or don’t (if you’ve ever watched Meet the Spartans in full I am currently looking at you with raised eyebrow). I watched this because I am a believer. I believe that one day Anna Faris will rise up above the crap she keeps saying yes to and make movies that deserve her. She has better timing than Diaz (who basically requires a Barrymore or a Collette to anchor her), more pathos than Hudson and more facial flexibility that Meg Ryan (not hard). No, she has not found nirvana in a film featuring recurring cameos from Hugh Hefner and 3 blonde women who should never have become famous. This is genuinely crap. The only other decent actor in it is Emma Stone – she and Faris manage to almost seem like they’re improvising together. This cannot save it though. Watch this only if you want to marvel at that fact that someone, somewhere believes Rumer Willis is qualified to act through genetics alone.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
This is what being an original fan of Indiana Jones must feel like. This franchise is dead to me – even deader than the foes Brendan Fraser half heartedly hacks at. Money was spent in all the wrong places as far as effects go, giving none of the sense of grandeur and scale to be found in the 1st (and even 2nd) effort. At least in 2 you actually believed they were in London on a bridge. In this stale, pale reproduction it’s like they’ve dropped in a cardboard cut out behind the cast. The script is in no way amusing, the casting is horrendous. Luke Ford made me beg for the return of the junior Anakin Skywalker clone as the son, and Maria Bello should forever swear off playing English women. Her accent is wobbly, her action scenes are lame and she has absolutely no chemistry with Fraser. Oh Rachel Weisz, you are wise beyond your years. You and your Oscar. Only the fact that I can still remember watching Jumper at the start of the year stops me from declaring this the worst film of 2008.
Eagle Eye
I know I should get picky when I watch this, but my love for Michelle Monaghan and Shia LaBeouf is pure. Surely a solid pairing can redeem almost any movie (except Jumper… which didn’t have a solid pairing anyway). These two are charismatic, vulnerable and flawed enough to be believable. Without actually being believable though – the plot pretty much sees to that. Still, the action is well staged and imaginative, and the pace is so fast you won’t get time get too critical. Incredibly, for the thriller genre, the individual plot points are quite unpredictable. A fun, tense piece of entertainment that delivers on its promise.
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